How can you put into words what this journey has done for us? It’s made me stronger than I ever knew possible while making me fall to my knees in weakness. It’s broken my heart and my soul for every child that I can’t save. It’s made tears fall from my eyes when I watch my sweet Audrey and Harper play because I know there are so many millions of children who will never know what it’s like.
I tell myself, “Can I stop with just Sweet Girl?” Can I tell God that we don’t have enough money or enough room at the table?
There is so much evil in the world. Even within my small adoptive community, I see satan attacking at every turn. Sometimes it’s obvious – sweet precious children pass away while they wait for their mama and papa to come, crises with jobs or houses while parents try to fight to bring home their kids, kids who wait YEARS AND YEARS for their family to find them. Other times it’s not obvious – something another adoptive mom does annoys you and puts a bitterness in your heart or I choose to buy a fancy lunch out when I know what $10 would mean for these kids.
Today, I read a post about a lady who was culling her friends list. She said something like if you read this and don’t plan on praying for orphans, adopting orphans or donating to orphans, then delete me as your friend. At first, I was inclined to agree and shout, “Yes, this is SO IMPORTANT! If you aren’t with me, then you must be against me and if you are against me then I don’t want to be your friend!” But I quickly realized I didn’t mean that.
Do I think that this journey has been so awesome and the reward so great that I think everyone should do it? Yes! But don’t all “new parents” say that? Once you had your first or third child, didn’t you try to tell all your friends that they need to stop waiting and just have kids or another kid now! We all meant it with the best of hearts though. But do I truly judge my friends who choose not to have kids? No, not at all. That is their journey and their choice. I just want to support them on whatever decisions they make and watch God work in their lives. I know that sometimes this means that I will cry with them and be heartbroken with them.
Back to adoption.. so even though I encourage everyone to adopt now, do I truly think it’s for everyone? No, I don’t! Do I think donating to families/children waiting for adoption is for everyone? Nope! I’d hope that you could at least pray for them, but will I really unfriend people who aren’t believers because they don’t believe in prayer? That’s ridiculous. What I do want my friends to do is search their souls and look around them to see where they can help and HELP SOMEHOW. I do think that everyone needs to follow the Bible when God tells us to care for the orphans and widows in their distress, but if that means that you support meal programs for orphans or a work assistance program for widows, then I am so excited for you! And it’s exciting to know that where I’m not called to help specifically, God has called others to help! We are all working towards the same goal!
It’s such a rewarding experience to follow what I think God has called us to do. I get wrapped up in the details of life and get frustrated by it all too, but the reward at the end of this journey wrapped up in a little red headed ball of fire is my light. She makes this worth doing.
What I’m trying to say is, I don’t care if God leads you down a different path or if you don’t think God leads you at all – you are still my friend and I cherish our relationship.
I was going to stop this here, but throughout this whole post, the theme of redemption has been front and center in my mind. I can't find an eloquent way to bring the two topics together, but just pretend that a great writer whisked his or her way in here and added a paragraph that combines these two topics.
There is a quote from a man, Derek Loux (http://louxfamilyblog.com/), about Redemption. He wrote this in his blog regarding the adoption of his boys from EE:
On the drive home that night, the Lord whispered in my ear, “This is Redemption. Derek, do you know how far I travelled to get you and bring you back? I had to be separated from my Son, in order to get you, just like you are separated from your children in order to get these boys. Do you know how expensive it was for Me to purchase you? It cost me everything. Do you know how broken, sick, damaged, twisted, dirty, smelly, and hopeless you were? And at the end of it all, you had nothing to give me or add to me. I did it for you. I emptied myself and became nothing so that you could have it all. This is redemption.
My friends, adoption is redemption. It’s costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him. And when He redeems us, we can’t even really appreciate or comprehend it, just like Dimitri will never comprehend or fully appreciate what is about to happen to him … but … he will live in the fruit of it. As his Daddy, I will never expect him to understand all of this or even to thank me. I just want to watch him live in the benefits of my love and experience the joys of being an heir in my family. This is how our heavenly “Papa” feels towards us.
Today, settle your busy heart down and rest in the benefits of redemption. Enjoy the fruits of His goodness, and stop trying to “pay Him back”. You’ll never get close you goofy little kid.Derek went to be with Jesus a year after he wrote that which makes it even more powerful. It makes me realize that my blessing is that I don't have to be strong and I don't have to do it all, I just need to do the best I can. God has already redeemed me and Sweet Girl, I don't need to do it again. But I do want to watch her "live with the benefit of my love and experience the joys of being an heir in my family".
We think we get to go get our sweet sweet baby mine in two weeks :)