Wednesday, July 18, 2012

How did we decide to adopt?

I think it's pretty common knowledge we had some struggle conceiving Audrey and Harper (ironically the treatment we pursued has a next to 0% multiples rate - ha!). But finally I was pregnant and I had a blissful 2 weeks basking in the knowledge. And then the morning sickness hit at 5w5d. And then at 5w6d we found out it was twins. And then, I had a rough go of a high risk pregnancy. And then we had a rough go of it in the NICU when they were born premature and Harper got rushed into emergency surgery. And then we had a rough go of it for the first few months while we all adjusted to our new normal.

When we were just finally getting into our groove, it happened.

I was still barely sleeping and stress and money worries (holy moly 2 infants in daycare!) were still hanging out.

We said, NO MORE KIDS UNTIL THE GIRLS ARE 5!

There was no way we could afford another in daycare and still protect our financial future.

And then..

I saw her..



(We were not able to share this picture before we met her)

I wasn't expecting it. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I'll never forget where I was or what I was doing. But I heard Him plain as day. "She's the one."

"The one what God? The one I'm to pray for? The one I'm to advocate for? The one? What does THE ONE mean??" I knew my questions were futile. I knew exactly what He meant before he answered. "She is your daughter," He whispered to me.

Without thinking, I fired off an email to find out more.

I emailed 2 friends her picture. They were confused. Honestly, I was confused.

I said, "But God, I have 2 babies! Special needs! This is too much! The time! The money! - I have to tell Rob!"

And then I wanted to passout.. oh my goodness.. I was going to have to tell Rob.

The next day, I emailed him her picture. I didn't have the guts to tell him in person. I simply said, "Can I have her?" He didn't answer so I clarfied, "I'm serious. I want her." (That's the actual words from my G-Chat transcript). Rob's heard crazy things from me before, but this might be the winner.

I got another picture.


She's just over 2 here. This is the earliest picture anyone has seen. The fact that she wasn't smiling in this one either strengthened my resolve.

We talked through it for a couple days. I tried to forget her. She was all I could think about. I spent hours researching everything I could - about her, about adoption, about Reece's Rainbow. The thought of having to live without her overtook me. Within a month we jumped in head first. They estimated the process would take 12-18 months and $35,000. I couldn't imagine the thought of either. The estimated budget is now over $50,000 and while it's a large sum of money for sure, it now represents LIFE. Her LIFE. I will pay anything to show her that she is precious, she is ours, she is valuable, she is LOVED.

This sweet girl will never go without a mommy and daddy again.




2 comments:

  1. oh my word! i've got to stop reading these post!
    as much as i'm excited for you, the hormones are getting to me! :) stinking tears!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes..tears here too sweetie. I so love and admire you.

    ReplyDelete

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